It is with a heavy heart that I have to write this letter during this painful period in your life – a period during which you’ve been subjected to all kinds of abuse.
Following the death of Senzo – the boy many believed you loved dearly until the time he was brutally take away from you, his three children (one with you and the other 2 with his wife) and of course his still-married wife – I have been shocked at the level of vitriolic and bigotry and abuse of all kinds you have been subjected to not only on the radio shows, but also here on the social networks, especially on Twitter and Facebook. I apologise on behalf of everyone who has called you names – both men and women. They have called you names I will not repeat here.
While I understand your pain and know exactly how you feel as I have lost a loved one before – my mother in 2005 – there is no way I can express the hurt I feel right now for your poor little daughter. I feel for her because when she’s a grown girl and later a woman, she will be called names, names you obviously are called by now. Or worse. Many will laugh at her because of who her parents are/were. I have read reports that the family of Senzo has expressed their anger at you – and like many South Africans – and alleging that had it not been your involvement with him, the boy would still be alive. That, in my view, is not true. Understandably, it is emotional talk. I hope you will understand that as they, too, are grieving and hurting as they lost their son.
Kelly, I can understand how you feel and felt for Senzo – many, even those who are now throwing stones from their glasshouses have been or currently find themselves in the same situation. Yes, you loved the boy. Furthermore, he made his choice to be with you and not his wife and his two kids. However, I hope he continued to love his 2 kids with his wife even though he may not have been involved with her at the time of his death.
For Senzo’s family has already reportedly expressed its views on your relationship with Senzo, I wonder if they will ever acknowledge your daughter as his, if they never did, or not. Worse, I wonder if they will ever accept that you have a child with their son. That, Kelly, however hurtful, is one of the things that make my heart bleed for your daughter with Senzo.
Given all these developments – many of them still to come – I would urge you not to make things worse for yourself, your daughter or your family. I therefore hope that you will not attend Senso’s funeral at all lest you be treated worse than you already have been to date by comments of some of the family members and obviously supported by our relationship experts and moralists on the social networks.
If you have any documents that belonged to Senzo and are needed for his burial/funeral, rather give them to his family because surely you want him to be buried and you do not want to start a fight over who should bury him and who should not. Please….
I hope you are able to grieve your loss, and that you find strength to get past this. Of course it will take time. But for the sake of your daughter – you have to, with support of your loved ones, family and friends. In time, when you have gained strength, do not respond to the abuse you have been subjected to since Senzo’s death. Never do that…. it will pass, however.
Wishing you and your daughter strength – and of course all Senzo’s kids, wife and family too.